Sometimes you just have to have pancakes! A mini post

For the last week or so I have wanted pancakes.  Seriously, every time I go to fix a meal, whatever the meal I am thinking I really want pancakes. But then I would talk myself out of it and make my normal meal (which ever it was to be).  Finally, last night I took the plunge.  Monday is my normal weigh in anyway so I figured I could make up for any damage  I might do over the rest of the week.  Now pancakes, just like anything else I eat, can be figured into my normal calorie count for the day, But I wanted to not have to worry about that.  I WANTED PANCAKES!  Ironically, I only ate two so no harm no foul. Then, like a good little soldier, arose this morning and did my workout.

Now no one cares really weather I ate pancakes or not.  In the big scheme of things it really doesn't register on the radar.  However, I wanted to write this to let folks know that there is a time when you aren't going to want to eat just the everyday healthy stuff, or count calories, or workout for that matter.  You know what?  That is fine!  One day is not going to do that much damage, much less one meal.  If eating pancakes one night for dinner and not eating under my calories makes it where I lose .8 of a pound and not 1 lb, I can live with that.  It is the downward motion I care about.  As long as the direction is down I'm good regardless of how slow the progress.  Like I've said before, you have to be able to live your life, and God gave us taste buds for a reason.

Back in the saddle..er..a..or something

We have had a lot of rain in the last week.  Not complaining as we are technically in a moderate drought.  The drawback to the large amount of rain in a small time is tomatoes that have split.  Not just the cherry tomatoes, but the better boys or slicing tomatoes.  I've only had one Roma split.  In addition, the rain has made it urgent to cut the grass.  My sons did a good bit of it recently, and I told them what they didn't get done I would do (part of a workout ).  What I didn't realize is how fast this stuff would grow with the new rains.  Someone told the lawn to have at it I guess.  I ended up redoing part of the grass my sons cut.  Not because they didn't cut it the first time, but because it grew like crazy once watered.  Funny how that happens.  So while I'm cutting the grass, I notice weeds taking over my blueberry bushes. My ADD kicks in and I think " I should rescue them".  So I ended up weeding the blueberry beds.  Then I notice a lot of red on my tomato plants.  I got my picking basket and picked about 30-35 lbs of tomatoes.

 Time to make the sauce.  I will make the sauce now, but not can it until fall.  Canning heats up the kitchen to much.  So I will make the sauce and put it back in the freezer to await a canning later.  The pot on the stove and the messy looking crock pot are currently housing the sauce from previously picked and cooked tomatoes.  I'm amazed at the sheer number of tomatoes I have picked this season; both the ones we  and my neighbors have picked while I was gone.  Still I have this huge amount in one picking.  I still have others waiting.  I'll get to them later.

My house is still my focus right now.  Really my focus.  I just about have the closets cleaned out.  My bathroom is clean as is the master bedroom.  Everything else is still a work in progress, but I'll get there.  Since I have nothing else to do (right), I decided I really didn't like the shower door in my bathroom.  Plus it was leaking at the bottom.  On my yard sale list I had placed "shower curtain" and then found one in our latest and only (so far this summer) trip to the Ric Rac.  It is a lovely curtain in the same color as my bathroom with grommets instead of just holes.  I also found a set of decorative shower curtain hooks.  So armed with my new finds and a few things from Ace Hardware, I.....removed the shower door.  I did!  I removed the shower door including the old caulking and hung the new curtain.  I also hung a new shower head (ours was leaking too), and re-caulked the whole shibang.

 Daddy would have been proud.  We have since used the shower and all works as it should.


Later the next day.....
  It's about 7:30 in the morning.  It will be really hot today and so my plan is to go outside to finish the grass (with Einstein's help), pull up the now empty corn stalks, clean out the chicken coops, and put the resulting chicken manure directly on the garden where the corn used to be.  Once I have the manure dug in, I will cover that part of the garden in plastic, putting it to bed for the season.

Funny, the world didn't stop spinning when my dad passed.  I felt it really should have paused to honor him.  My part of the world did, but even my part of the world couldn't stay stopped for long.  I have a house to run, family to care for, and apparently a garden that is still demanding.  However, with every row hoed, chicken coop cleaned, home improvement accomplished; I think of my dad.  Would he be proud?  Would he smile?  I think he would because he always did.  So I take up the mantle of what he taught me.  I hope to continue the legacy and hopefully, one day, my children will do the same.

Of Endings and Beginnings

Ironically I had this post written out in my head one night as I lay in bed trying to sleep.  Now that I am wanting to put it down on paper so to speak I have lost it all, or at least much of it.

It still feels surreal to me, a world without my dad's presence in it.  More so for my mom I know.  I can come home to my husband and family; to a house where memories of my dad aren't in every corner.  My parents would have been married 58 years this September.  They have been together for 60.  My mother started dating my dad when she was 16 and never looked back.  The largest chunk of her life has been intertwined with his.  Her's is a tougher row to hoe.  That being said, she is the toughest woman I know.

I have to give praise where praise is due.  Through out this whole situation, God's hand was apparent.  There was not a time when we felt abandoned.  Prayers were answered many times prior to or as they were being spoken.  In addition, we could see the pieces put in place by him months and even years before to prepare us and walk us through everything.  My mom put it best when she said "it is as if God is saying ""this is going to happen, but I've got you"".  We had to chuckle when my mom told her pastor that she knew God would hold her up but she worried about her kids.  To which I replied that God may love her best, but he loved us too.  We all laughed.  Friends and neighbors came out of the wood work to help in any way they could from playing dulcimers for my dad's visitation and funeral, serving the dinner after the funeral, providing food for the dinner, and anything else we needed.

When my dad left this life to start another life anew, certain things ended for us here.  Not a permanent ending, maybe a better term would be "paused".  Some things are on hold for us here until the time comes that we see him again.  We will see him again.  No doubt.  While we wait our lives change some.  Routines are shaken up as accommodations are made.  But this is not just a post about endings. As a family we have many more memories to make in the future.  My sister, her kids, and myself have taken up Dulcimer playing again.  My husband has taken dulcimer playing up for the first time.  

I wondered if I should keep this blog going after he passed.  My dad was two of my twelve followers.  He really liked the blog I guess.  But now he isn't here to read about all my craziness.  I still believe he sees it now without my typing it.  I've had some people tell me I should keep it going.  So I will.  I put off the garden while I was away, but because of my Dh and my neighbor, it was kept picked and maintained.  Thanks to them.  I came home not really in a garden mood.  I'm still picking from it and will be processing stuff as well, but my focus has changed now to my house.  Getting it in order.  Don't know why that is except my mom has a fabulous house and mine pales in comparison.  I will have another garden next year.  We have already canned up the green beans,picked the blueberries and blackberries, and I got just enough peaches for 1 batch of peach butter.  The lima beans will be harvested when the plants die back in the fall.  I'm picking the tomatoes, cooking them and freezing them until the weather cools off and I can make sauce.  So the garden isn't a total loss, just not my focus right now.

Aside from losing my dad, I wouldn't change one thing.  I was there when he died as were my mom and my siblings.  He died peacefully at home, not in an emergency room surrounded by unfamiliar faces.  There were lots of "I love you's" passed from us to our dad, from Daddy to us, from Mama to Daddy, from Mama to us, and from sibling to sibling.  There were remembrances that helped heal both before he passed and after.  Hugs, hand holds, a touch.  We held each other up.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Can I tell you a story?

Once upon a time there was a little girl who loved her daddy.  

Born the last of three girls and prior to two boys, one would think she would have been lost in the middle.  Such was not the case, and it never was the case.  In fact, so special was she to her daddy that he created a new name for her; a mis mash of her given name and her mothers name with "Jr" added for emphasis.  He was the greatest of all dads and she felt sorry for other children who didn't have her daddy as a father.  True or not it didn't matter.  In her heart it was true.   Her daddy was her champion,

Over the years there were rocky times, but good times too.  He taught her to play the Dulcimer and they would stay up playing duets together. Not just any dulcimer,  but one he made.  There were camping trips and Christmas days.  One such occasion was a time she was competing in a state wide talent show.  She so wanted him to come, but work had to take precedence.  Sadly she went without him.  As she walked out onto the stage of the Cobb County Civic Center to begin her song, with surprise her eyes caught him in the back standing just inside the doors.  He had traveled between jobs to be there just long enough to hear her song.  It is a memory cherished even today.  There were times she might have disappointed or didn't measure up, but you wouldn't know it by him.  He loved her.  Patiently instructed her.  Encouraged her, and smiled at her.  Hugs were always plentiful.  Lately he has seen her come into her own and reveled in her victories and losses.  This is truly the fairy tale.

Unfortunately this tale has to end.  The time is coming when they shall say goodbye ...for a while.  He goes on now.  He goes ahead to once more be able to one day  welcome her into a different world all over again.

I am that girl, and he is my daddy and my heart breaks.  It breaks for my  family, especially my mom. It breaks for me.  But I mourn as one who has hope.  Hope which tells me I will see my dad again.  Hope which tells me he is about to see my brother, sister, and his mom and dad, my grandparents.

On July 10 at 7:06 in the evening, surrounded by his children and his wife, my dad passed away.  He was larger than life, greatly loved, and will be sorely missed.  God speed Daddy.  Love you.